It seems as if a baby bump is an open invitation to friends, family, and strangers on the street to chip in their two cents’ worth of advice to the new mama. It’s a tale as old as time because it’s a very true story. The pregnancy test is barely dry before your neighbor, your friendly church lady, the guy behind the meat counter at the grocery store is telling you what you should and shouldn’t do to achieve parenting perfection.
We’ve all heard some real nuggets. You’ll know which ones are the very best because they’re usually followed up with the phrase, “and we were fine.” Here are some examples.
“If the baby won’t stop crying, you should just put a little whiskey in his bottle. I’ll give you my granny’s recipe. We used it and we were fine.”
“Millennials have gone overboard with car seat safety. We used zip ties and bungee cords and we were fine.”
“You shouldn’t listen to those pediatricians. You should just ask the internet. That’s what I do and my kids are fine.”
Because this has long been the running joke in all mommy platforms of any kind, we tend to shut down as soon as we hear the words “you should” come out of the mouth of anyone who doesn’t have letters behind his or her name. But here’s the thing. When we close ourselves off altogether, we miss out on some fantastic pieces of advice. They may be as few and far between as a leprechaun riding a unicorn to a picnic with Bigfoot, but they really are out there. And they have the potential to change your #momlife.
Here are a few pieces of the best Mom Advice I’ve ever received.
You can change your mind.
No two kids are the same. They could be identical twins and still require completely different parenting strategies. Just because something worked perfectly for your first child, there is no guarantee that your carefully curated schedules and routines will work at all with your second baby. And that’s okay.
Also? Just because something worked perfectly for your child last year, there is no guarantee that it will work well for that same child the next year. And that’s okay.
First Mom Advice Shout Out goes to my friend, Jenny, for that time she hugged me through my frustrated tears and said, “Re-evaluate each year for each kid.” It can apply to schools, sports, behavior techniques, daily routines, potty training, chore charts, whatever. You can change your mind.
Find your tribe.
When you’re in the trenches of motherhood, I know it can be overwhelming to even consider anything extra. The idea of making friends, meeting new people, or even leaving the house can make you want to cry. But mamas. When the walls start to close in on you, you haven’t had an adult conversation for weeks, and you realize that, yes, that smell is, in fact, your own hair, you know something has to give.
And it’s so worth it.
Mom Advice Shout Out #2 goes to my friend, Marnie, who gave me the gentle push I needed to get out of the house and find a tribe when she said, “No one has it all together. We’re all going through it. It helps so much to get out there with people who truly get it.”
We are a sisterhood of sleep-deprived hot messes who are really just flying by the seats of our pants. Embrace it. Community has the potential to be a game changer. If you need to ease into it, try finding an online village first. But set that goal to get out of the house and laugh with your fellow pants-fliers. Find your tribe.
Do one thing each day that cannot be undone.
Oh man. This is a big one. Those adorable little sanity-suckers can make it feel like one day just bleeds right into the next. It’s easy to lose all sense of time and purpose when your entire existence revolves around wiping noses and butts and feeding them another snack and sleep schedules and bath routines.
Mom Advice Shout Out #3 goes to my oh-so-wise friend, Missy, who said, “Try to do one thing each day that can’t be undone.”
The laundry basket is never empty for more than five minutes. The sink is never empty for more than two minutes. The floor is never clean for more than ten seconds. We spend most of our days doing the things that will need to be redone and redone and then done again. It can feel like we’re on a hamster wheel of torture.
Reclaim a sense of accomplishment by finding just one thing each day that cannot be undone. Read a chapter of a great book. Paint that project you’ve been putting off. Journal. Create something with your hands or your brain. Consider it self-care and rest assured that it is absolutely in the best interest of your family.
Such excellent advice!