Just Go Say “Hi!”

Like a dryer sheet stuck to polyester dress pants, she clung to my side. I tried literally brushing her off, gently at first and then more assertively when that failed. She stayed. In an attempt to leave her behind, I moved a bit to the left, then the right. But she was still there. Finally, I said, “Just go say hi!” She glanced up at me, clearly disappointed by my ridiculous suggestion, my lack of support, my failed attempts to force her to leave my side.

My two younger daughters, 4 and 5, always have each other. They enjoy the same things, barbies and babies keep them entertained at home while swings and climbing structures keep them busy at parks. My 9-year-old, on the other hand, only has me. And sometimes that is okay. But other times, I want her to have someone to play with, someone her age with similar interests.  

It seems so easy. We’re at the park, it’s packed with children and the other girls look to be around the same age as my daughter. Why can’t she just go talk to those kids? Kids are nice, surely they’ll welcome her into their group.  Since my first attempt to get her to make friends failed, I tried again, this time giving a bit more direction. “Emma, go over to that group of girls. Introduce yourself – tell them your name and where you go to school. Maybe even throw in a fact about the violin and our pet rabbit. Ask them what they like to do. Then you’re set, you’ve got friends to play with.”  Her head tilted up, her big brown eyes stared at me, her expression was a mixture of disgust and hopelessness.  And that’s when it hit me, it’s not that easy.

Being new to Atlanta, I’m often that mom standing by a bench and watching the other moms at the park. As they laugh and share stories about the funny things their kids said, plans for the weekend, and the latest fashion trends, I stand alone. I want to join them. I could walk over, introduce myself, share a few hobbies, and ask about their favorite restaurants. But I don’t. Because it’s hard. It’s scary. What if they don’t acknowledge me? What if they walk away as I approach? What if they laugh?

I had friends back home. Some I’d known for years, others for weeks. I met these friends at parties, at work, in my neighborhood, and through other friends. I love having friends and I’m a fairly social person. But now that I’m 1,000 miles from my closest friends, and since there is no dating app for mom friends, how am I supposed to make new friends? No one invites me to parties. I work from home, alone. My neighborhood is great but often very quiet and everyone is busy with their own lives. So, what do I do? Am I destined to be the lone mom, the one who has no real friends in this new place? No, that’s not going to work for me. I don’t want to be the lonely mom, the one who sits on the bench clinging to her children. I guess I’m left with only one choice; to just go say hi.