“Is he yours?” “Are you the nanny?” “How is she yours?” “Are you sure he’s the father?” “Honey, is that your mommy?” “Why did you adopt from another race?”
Biracial families and adoptive transracial get asked these question all the time. We get asked these questions because we don’t look like we match racially. Questions like these are annoying. Especially when the person asks “are you sure?” When this happens to me I usually give a sarcastic reply.
Please stop asking moms if their children are theirs. It’s 2018, biracial families are abundant. So are transracial adoptive families. Assume safely that kids and parents aren’t going to match. We are their mom’s first and foremost whether they came from our own uterus or another woman’s uterus. Adopted or biological, these children are ours. It’s hurtful to say otherwise. Especially if the children are adopted. Adopted simply means they aren’t biologically ours but in every other way they are 100% ours. We are their mothers and they are our children, not our “adopted” children. Please think before speaking.
My husband is black and I am white. We have two children. When our daughter was a baby I got asked jokingly if my husband was the father. I was in shock. I know she’s lighter than my husband but that question was really offensive to me. It was rude and tactless. I think I said that I wouldn’t need to go on Maury Povich show anytime soon. That he was indeed the father of my child.
I think questions like this bother me because we are a true family just like families where the parents and children are the same race. Often these questions, though not intentional, make it seem we are out of place. However, biracial families and transracial adoptive families are becoming the new norm. So please stop making comments about how we don’t match.
Families come in all racial combinations too. Atlanta and the suburbs reflect that. I love seeing the many racial combinations that make up families now. I love how my children can see other kids that look like them too. Atlanta is a true melting pot and our families reflect that too.
Also, stop guessing my child’s genetic makeup. Sometimes people start speaking Spanish to us assuming my kids are Spanish. Every year at my daughter’s school we get the agenda in Spanish and have to trade it in for the English version. I wish I could speak and read Spanish but I can’t. One of my daughter’s classmates told her she wasn’t black because her mom was white. So we introduced the class to her black father. The classmate meant no harm but she hadn’t been exposed to a biracial family yet.
My kids are the perfect combinations of my husband and me. We love our sweet biracial family. Biracial families want to be treated and respected just like families that racially match. Transracially adopted families want their kids accepted just like families that racially match. So, please be nice and stop asking us questions and be accepting of our beautiful biracial family.
Thank you for talking so frankly about your experience.