Top 10 List | Things I Never Thought I’d Say

Crazy Mom

One of the most important jobs we have as parents is to teach our kids right from wrong. In order to do that, we sometimes have to string words together that we wouldn’t normally use in the same sentence. Over the years, I have caught myself saying some pretty silly things to my kids.

At the time they came out of my mouth, the words and sentences made total sense. I needed to say those things in order to get my darling angels to learn how to behave like normal human beings. However, once the words came out of my mouth I realized just how crazy *I* sounded.

*Did I really just say those words out loud?  

Thanks to my 18-year old, 15-year old, and almost three-year-old, I have a small collection of these statements that not only illustrate how ridiculous I sounded but also remind me of the funny things my kids did…which I will most definitely be using later on to completely embarrass them. Payback.

Here are a few of my favorites:

  1. “Get your shoe out of your mouth.”
  2. “Stop licking the TV.”
  3. “Stop licking the mirror.”
  4. “Stop licking Mommy’s face!”
  5. “Stop licking Daddy’s beard.”
  6. “Stop blaming your shoe and start taking responsibility for your foot!”
  7. “We do not hand Mommy poop.”
  8. “I’m sorry I told you that you aren’t Batman.”
  9. “Can you please stop tossing Cheerios like confetti in the back seat?”
  10. “Baby Jesus is NOT a car.”

I can’t possibly be alone in this. What crazy things have you said to your kids?

And P.S. – what’s with toddlers and all the licking? Gross!


  1. Hilarious 🙂 I say “What’s in your mouth?” an unreasonable number of times a day. Also can’t believe how many times I’ve said “Are you pooping?!” (and how often that conversation happens while my son is in the bathtub, EWWWWW).

    • Oh my goodness – If I had a nickel for each time I’ve asked K about whether or not he’s pooping. I’d be SO rich!

      And he’s the first kid of mine to poop in the bath – I had no idea that was a thing! Now before every bath I have to say to him “No poo-poo in the bathtub!”

      (I should’ve added that one to the list.)

    • I have this tiny ceramic nativity that I put out each Christmas. When my oldest was little, I noticed that Baby Jesus was not always in his spot… one day, I figured out why. My son was “driving him” around the table making a “vroom” sound. It’s probably my favorite of all the crazy things I’ve said to my kids.

  2. Do not put the pasta in your vagina (naked potty training plus sensory bin of colored pasta…granted she was just touching it there but that’s how it came out of my mouth ha) and yes all the licking…she loves pretending she’s a kitty.

  3. Oh my goodness! Ha! It’s hilarious to hear the things that come out of our mouths!! Thanks for sharing!

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