As I approach the third trimester of my second pregnancy I’ve been getting asked a lot of questions like, “has this pregnancy gone by fast?” and since my daughter is about to turn three I receive a lot of comments like, “don’t the years just fly by?” If it’s a stranger asking me these questions I usually just laugh and nod because I don’t want to get into it. But if I know the person at all I usually try to tell them how I’m really feeling.
My Current Reality
The truth is this pregnancy has felt excruciatingly long. I was so sick the first trimester I could barely function. Then once I hit my second trimester January got thrown into the mix which the month felt at least like half a year. So no, May does not feel like it’s “just around the corner.”
Now I know this is not true for everyone and for some women, pregnancy did fly by for them. So why does it feel like an eternity for me? To give a little insight, I am a 9 on the Enneagram. (If you have no idea what the enneagram is, it’s a personality assessment.) 9’s are past-oriented so almost every time I think about the future, I first think about my past and how certain past circumstances may influence my future decisions.
So, when I think about this pregnancy, I also think about my first pregnancy and how different that one felt but also how much longer this one feels. On the other hand, my husband is the complete opposite of me and is constantly only thinking about the future. Sometimes I wonder if he ever remembers anything about the past.
The years are long, but the days are even longer
I realize in a few years I may look back and think the years of my children really did feel short, but I’m not so sure they will. I honestly often wonder how my toddler isn’t ten yet. With the amount of time, energy, and parenting I’ve put in the past three years, sure she should be at LEAST school age right? While these past few years have been full of learning experiences, spiritual and emotional growth, they’ve also been full of extremely hard days that I can still distinctly remember.
It’s OK to feel this way
I’m sharing all of this with you because I recently had a mom come up to me and tell me she felt like I was the only one she could truthfully share with about how hard motherhood is for her and how much she hates being pregnant (even though she is very thankful to be pregnant). I want to be clear I’m not saying all of this to say I think it’s ok to walk around always pessimistic and negative about motherhood. I absolutely love my daughter and am extremely thankful to be having a son. But sometimes short sayings about how time flies by does not help the mother who is struggling in the here and now.
When You Get Stuck in a Rut
Just the other night my 2-year-old toddler had a tantrum to end all tantrums. My husband is out of town, I’m 8 months pregnant, and it’s bedtime. Her tantrum lasted for about an hour and there were multiple times when I almost lost it. But I knew if I started crying I wouldn’t be able to stop. It’s moments like these where I can easily get stuck in a rut and constantly look back at that moment and replay it over and over in my mind. I then start worrying about whether it will happen again and for how long. I’ve learned through trial and error this is unhealthy for everyone involved. Even though I am past-oriented I have to make a conscious effort to not wallow in the past but to be present and move forward with my day. Other things that help me are meditating on scripture and doing something creative to re-direct my mind so that I’m not dwelling on the past.
You’ve probably heard this before but thankfulness is also something that is vital to a healthy outlook on motherhood. While I may not be one of those moms who feels like time is just flying by, when I get stuck in my present and feel like time moves at a snails speed I remember how blessed I am to even have a child. I also remember how hard we prayed and waited to get pregnant with our second baby. When I get in this habit, it is much easier for me to continue to think about everything in my life I’m thankful for and to get out of my past-oriented ruts.
So, if you’re one of those moms who feel like the years stretch on forever, girl I am right there with you. And if you’re one of the moms who truly does feel like the years fly by 1. You are blessed, and 2. Just know every mom doesn’t feel this way and be a kind, listening, non-judging ear, and a shoulder to cry on.
