I will be the first to admit that I have made mistakes. I learn from them and move forward. Being a first time mom you make many of them. I’m not ashamed to admit that with my first child I spent way too much time and energy comparing.
A perfect example is when I show up to my son’s music class and see a little baby his age waving and clapping her hands. I think to myself, why can’t my son do that yet? They are the same age, is there something wrong? This is a developmental milestone. Should I be concerned? Perhaps there just isn’t anything for him to clap about. Okay little man, it’s time to go home and practice this. A few months later. Still no clapping or waving but a happy and healthy baby boy.
Moving on to the next milestone. Crawling. Okay. He’s doing great. Phew! At his Gymboree class I quickly notice all the other little ones are putting weight on their feet, and many are beginning to walk around assisted and unassisted. Fast forward a few months later, every single little toddler was walking and participating in all the activities except my son. He was happy sitting there, crawling around, while all the other kids enjoyed the walking activities. Many other moms would approach me and smile and ask how old he was. I began to feel the need to tell them his age followed by an explanation as to why my 13-month-old son who was big and commonly mistaken for a two year old wasn’t walking around like all the other kids.
All the moms were very kind and reassured me that he would do it when he was ready. The summer hit and he is about 15 months and still happy to crawl around on the driveway. I thought to myself, that can’t be comfortable, he has to eventually get tired of scraping his knees. Although I was reassured to remain patient and he would do it, sometimes it felt like there was no end in sight where he would. Was this something I did?
I began posting in mom Facebook groups to yet again reassure me I wasn’t the only one who had a toddler who was not walking yet. Then I scroll through Instagram and see many videos of those I follow who have kiddos. Their 10-month-olds are walking and many little ones are walking around at their first birthday parties. But my son, nope. Still happy scraping up his knees.
Have you heard the saying “every kid walks into kindergarten?” Heard that one a million times but was still convinced he was going to crawl into kindergarten. I kept telling myself to be patient and he will do it when he is ready. Finally at 17 months he decided it was time to walk. Now he is two years old and I realize all that constant worry and comparison was simply a waste of time. He spends his whole day running around and I can’t keep up. I have learned so much about my son’s personality. One thing I learned is he is very cautious. I wish I would have known that then. But I know now and I made a promise to myself. Going forward with my now two children, I refuse to fall into this comparison trap again.
