Both my parents died in May, 25 days apart. I’m still in shock. It’s going to be a long road but it’s part of life to grieve. I’m on an emotional roller coaster.
My parents didn’t raise me so I got closer to them over time in my adult years. They had been separated for 35 years but were still married and lived in separate states. They did many things I didn’t understand. Later, I came to an understanding of their lives by learning about their pasts.
As I sit outside on my deck and drink my coffee (both were big coffee drinkers), I reflect on their lives and the past that shaped them.
I learned important lessons from both of them. Go and enjoy life. Take a vacation. Get your mental, spiritual, and physical health in order. Lose weight. Go out and date (unless you are married or in a long term relationship). Get your blood pressure in order. Live and take care of yourself instead of putting others first. Go see your doctor!!! Both of my parents died from a lack of good self-care because they were paranoid about doctors.
Get your will and other personal affairs in order. Get life insurance. Decide who will be your medical advocate when you are unable to. Have all of the important paperwork together and inform your loved ones of your wishes.
Don’t buy presents for people but give people your presence. Spend quality time with people, not money. Stop making excuses as to why you can’t. Go on a road trip if necessary.
Be available to your kids and teach them kindness and basic manners. Let them fail. Let them learn grit. Don’t live out your dreams through your kids, let them have their own lives. Teach them not to tattle and feel threatened by their peers. Teach them how to resolve conflict. Snuggle with them as much as possible now!!! They are only little for a short time,
Stop wasting money on material things. You don’t need the things I promise. Things add more stress and hassle to life. I just purged some items and it’s been great. I have less to clean and worry about. FYI, no one wants your crap anyway, especially your kids!!! Trust me on this one. Less is more!
Stop caring about what others think and walk into a room like you own it. Speak your truth. Stop being the person everyone wants you to be and embrace all of your imperfections and flaws! Be in the pictures. Your kids will need to see you in the pictures with them, they seriously don’t care if you are overweight, your hair is a mess or your clothes are wrinkled!!!
It’s ok to feel sad, mad, happy, etc., but if you are overwhelmed, seek professional help. If you are mentally healthy, you can take care of the whole person. Stop living in shame. You are not your past. Mental Health is essential for living a long life.
Meet people where they are and stop trying to fix them. Let people go who are toxic. Mend the relationships if you can but if you can’t walk away and forgive. Stop letting petty bs separate you from your loved ones. Stop demonizing people if they disagree with you. We all don’t have to think the same. Realize and accept you cannot control everything or anything. 
Stop talking about people and actually talk with them instead of at them. Listen with an open heart.
When you see your dad in a box and his life possessions in another, you realize how petty things and behaviors are. Life isn’t complicated but quite simple. Things, fear, shame, malice, greed, and pettiness complicate life. Let go of the toxicity and negativity and embrace the life you have.
Live in faith, not fear. It’s never too late to start making small changes now to better your life.
So go out and embrace your beautiful life!!!
Well said! I’m so sorry to hear of your mom’s passing as well. Quite unexpected, no doubt. I pray your mourning yield the enlightenment that only sorrow can bring. My heart aches for you, dear friend. And yet, to learn of your blog and to read your post enriches my soul. May Abba comfort you and yours in this season, and always!