I don’t know about you, but making mom friends has been hard for me. It feels like the sample size of women who also birthed children around the same time as me and happen to live fairly close is so small, and chances are we don’t actually have that much in common other than being moms. I’m also an introvert with social anxiety, so I’m not exactly great at striking up conversation.
It would have been wonderful if one of my close friends got pregnant around the same time as I did, and enter motherhood together, but that just didn’t happen for me.
Instead, I kept my my non-mom friends.
Obviously, our friendships changed. Some of us drifted apart, as is totally normal as we grow and change. I am obviously less available, and wrapped up in mom life. Their life is at a very different stage than mine. But that isn’t always a bad thing.
My non-mom friends are a little more flexible and available. I don’t expect my friends to be more available to me just because they don’t have kids; they’re busy, too! But when it comes down to it, they don’t have to arrange childcare or work around someone else’s schedule.
I can confide in them. I remember being the non-mom friend, and hearing “You don’t understand, you’re not a mom.” (Which really sucks to hear when you’re struggling with infertility.) Sure, someone who doesn’t have kids may not fully understand, but they can still listen, empathize, and they might even have a piece of advice if you’re willing to take it. Or, even better, maybe they have absolutely no opinion on the matter.
They’re there for my kid, too. One of my non-mom friends is on the emergency contact list for preschool. They spoil my kid and show up with little presents. They’re even backup emergency babysitters.
Most importantly, because they’re my friends, we make an effort to connect. We make plans to go to dinner so we can catch up (and I have a heads up to coordinate with my husband or make childcare arrangements). We text regularly. We have things in common that are beyond being a mom.
Don’t give up on your non-mom friends! It might be difficult to maintain the friendship, especially at first, but you will be so thankful you have them. And one day, they might be moms, too.
