21 Hilarious Parenting Truths

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I’ve compiled 21 truths about parenting I find hilarious. I’ve said them or felt them at one time or another. It’s fascinating how I have my own thoughts and experiences not even knowing they are universal until I read them written by someone else. We have so much in common as parents; so much to laugh about together. Parenting is universal.

“Behind every sports participation trophy a kid receives, is a parent who spent every weekend yelling words of encouragement like, ‘I don’t give a crap if you don’t feel like going. Put your uniform on!” @FreedomLifestyleAthletics

“Motherhood: When keeping a bag of someone else’s hair and/or teeth in a drawer seems totally normal.” @mommydearestinc

“98% of parenting a teenager is waiting in your car out in the dark for practice to be over.” @yourteenmag

“I love being a soccer mom. Unless it’s cold. Or raining. Or too hot. Or really early in the morning. Or late at night. Or when there are no bathrooms. So basically I love being a soccer mom 3% of the time.” @playdatesonfridays

“My life is a constant battle between encouraging my kids to participate in activities and dreading having to attend said activities.” @mimosaswithmoms

“I know I’m supposed to be preparing my teenagers for life and all, but it’s hard when they already know everything.” Whitney Fleming

“If Weight Watchers really wants to corner the mom market, they should include points calculations for things like crust from your kid’s grilled cheese, rogue french fries in the bag from the happy meal, and mini pancakes because someone changed their mind about breakfast.” Whineandcheezits.com

“There is no one less ready to be picked up than a teen who just texted: ‘Can you pick me up now?’ ” @PlaydatesonFridays

“Before I had kids, I thought I’d be the chillest mom, but that’s because I didn’t know they take 3 years to get out of the car.” @herviewfromhome

“My teenager never answers me when I call her. She prefers to use her phone to text me from her room upstairs.” @yourteenmag

“You know you’re the parent of a teenager if they won’t answer any of your calls, but they will call you 27 times in a row until you answer.” @raisingteenstoday

“Parenting expert: ‘Children will model the behavior that they see. ‘  Me: ‘False. They have seen me sleep. They do not sleep.’ ”  @Fakeadultmom

“No one could’ve convinced me that I’d be this bad at making sure my kids brush their teeth.” @itsmommyhour

“You can be right, or you can get along with your teenager, but you can’t be both.” Whitney Fleming

“Teacher to my son after he gets in trouble: ‘Im going to have to call your mom.’  Son: ‘Don’t call her.’  Teacher: ‘Sorry, but I have to.’  Son: ‘No, I’m serious. Don’t call her. She doesn’t answer her phone. You have to text her.’ ”  @MarriageMartini

“My middle schooler has a hydro flask but no cool stickers to put on it. Please respect our privacy during this difficult time.” @Simoncholland

“With all the things they have in common, raging hormones, acne, uncontrollable emotional outbursts, it’s surprising that moms in their 40’s and their teenage daughters don’t get along better.” Whitney Fleming

“I thought raising teenagers would be like those goofy old Brady Bunch episodes about curfews, acne, and dating. It’s not. It’s more like Survivor meets Dateline – hang in there and don’t murder anyone.” @4boysmother

“I want my kids to have a fun childhood, but like the lazy quiet kind of fun that doesn’t cost anything.” @therealramblinma

“All the baby books tell you that infants need to eat every 2 to 3 hours. But what they fail to mention is that this behavior continues until the child turns 18 and moves out of your house.” @mobtruths

“I spend an awful lot of money at the grocery store for someone who never has any food in their house.” @yourteenmag

1 COMMENT

  1. Funny and so true!! Great article – it’s either laugh or cry on most of these, so thanks for the laugh!

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