It’s True…I Do Miss ‘Those Days’
Summers used to look so different at my house. There was a time when all four of my kids were under the age of seven, and I wasn’t sure I’d survive without the angelic preschool and elementary school teachers who intervened during the school year. My days were filled with changing diapers and strategically fitting in varying naptimes, while simultaneously potty training and plotting the most creative two-hour outing I could to keep everyone occupied. As I collapsed into bed every night, all I could do was anticipate the marathon that would come the next day.
Sprinkled amongst these moments were the trips to Chick-fil-A, Target, the park, or the library, during which a zen “older mom” would appear just as one (or more) of my kids was completely melting down. While I strategized the quickest way to move my family’s tornado of noise out of public view, I’d hear sentiments like:
“I remember these days… hang in there.”
“The days are long, but the years are short.”
“Believe it or not, you’re going to miss this.”
While I’ve always appreciated the wisdom of those who’ve come before me, these moments left me wondering how all of these well-meaning women suffered from the same type of selective amnesia. With a toddler screaming in my ear, I couldn’t believe I’d ever really look back with fondness at the days that felt so hard.
Well, I am that older mom now. And, those wise mamas were right.
Here I sit, that same mom of four. Yet, instead of circumventing temper tantrums and picking up Legos, I am buying dorm room decor for my oldest who is heading to college in a matter of weeks. I have to pre-plan family dinners around my kids’ sports and social activities, even during the laid-back summer months. Instead of getting my kids to bed early and unwinding while they rest safely in their beds, my husband and I are negotiating which one of us will stay up late to make sure the teenagers get home in one piece by curfew.
In the nearly two decades that I’ve been a mom, I’ve realized that no stage of parenting is “easy” and each brings its joys and challenges. But, when reflecting on my kids’ younger years, there’s something uniquely challenging about the trade-off that comes when the physical burnout of that time evolves into the emotional exhaustion of teenagehood. With my oldest leaving the nest, I’ve learned not to wish away the teenage years, either; but, I’d be lying if didn’t admit how often I’d do anything to trade Snapchat for Barbie.
So, young mamas… just know that the moms with big kids see you. And, we remember. Like you, we used to daydream about the day when we no longer had to cut up grapes and hotdogs. We could only imagine what it would feel like to relax at the pool with a book. But, like us, you will one-day miss superheroes, princesses, and dress-ups. You’ll wish your kids still loved to snuggle with you on the couch, even though they’ve grown too close to your size (or bigger). You’ll reminisce about the cute days of little kids’ sports before the fun morphed into something unrecognizably competitive. You’ll long for quiet moments with your spouse when the big kid stress and big-time stakes aren’t so high.
What do I wish I’d realized back in those crazy, exhausting, and seemingly never-ending summer days when my kids were little? I wish I’d realized how fast this time would go. And, I wish I’d genuinely cherished the sweetness of that precious season. Fortunately, life has a way of gifting us hindsight and a profound appreciation for time as we get older, and both have carried me through my kids’ teen years with a renewed sense of gratitude for the time I have with them. I’m not taking any moment – as increasingly challenging as those moments have come with big kids – for granted.
As I wrote to my daughter in a letter on her high school graduation day, one of the hardest parts about being a parent is one of the most beautiful – letting our kids become who they are meant to be.
Every stage, every age, every exhausting summer leads to just that.
Cherish it all because you will miss ‘those days’ eventually.
