With an unprecedented number of people working from home and schools and daycares across the country closed for weeks, many of us have found ourselves in uncharted territory. I’ve seen article after article on how to work from home and how to help your children with distance learning (all with great suggestions, by the way!), but I’ve found myself in the unenviable position of working from home (part-time, thank goodness!) while raising (er, keeping alive) two small humans, ages ten months and two and a half years.
My children aren’t at an age I can set them up with some school work or toys and say, “Please play here while mommy does a little work.” Have you ever turned your back for more than a minute on kids in these stages? In under 45 seconds my 10 month old daughter will have a handful of dog food halfway to her mouth (she was just in the living room – how’d she get to the kitchen so quickly?) and my son will no longer be coloring on his paper and place mat (my poor coffee table – at least I’ve learned not to give him markers).
As I sit down for the fifth time to try to write this piece, I realize that the reason so few articles exist to help us moms trying to balance work and toddlers is because no mom in this position has a spare second to write it! I desperately want to help y’all out and write a stellar how-to guide with lots of inspiration and solid advice, but like you, I’m just doing my best to make it from day to day (hour to hour, minute to minute, depending on, well, the hour). So, here’s a little glimpse at how my little family is making it through and our daily struggle to move from surviving to thriving (spoiler alert: that’s totally aspirational…we’re not there yet!).
I’m not lowering expectations
That’s right, we’re not lowering expectations in this house – we’re rewriting them entirely. I’m not equipped to – lower the bar – it feels much too much like quitting or giving up, and that’s not how I roll. So, we’re just changing the definition of success (yes, it’s just semantics, but help me out here).
Up until now, I’ve been that crazy mom who strictly limits screen time for the kiddos. Consider the one-TV-show-a-day rule completely re-written. The new rule in our house: Two TV shows (one Sesame Street, one Daniel Tiger), and as many online story-times, puppet shows, etc. as I need quiet time. Oh, and one hard-learned tip I will offer: even if a TV show is on, put the baby in a playpen – the dog may now be out of food, but his water bowl is probably still be out (I seem to be a slow learner).
I’m also setting clear expectations with my boss and my colleagues. While some have kids, none have kids currently in this stage of life (if they did, no way our little company could continue to chug along right now!). I’ve let folks at work know that I’ll be working some non-traditional hours for the time being and that if we need to have a phone call, we have to schedule it in advance (please don’t call me while I’m arguing with my two year old, I hate losing publicly – it’s just embarrassing). I’m incredibly fortunate that I have a job and company that are so flexible.
I’m adapting as much of the solid “work from home” advice as I can
But it looks nothing like a typical work from home day. I love the idea of getting up at a normal time (I mean, in theory – my kids wake me up way too early!), getting dressed (leggings are clothes, right?), and setting a schedule. It’s the schedule where a little creativity has gone a long way.
Right now, I’m just planning on getting all my work done during nap time and after the kids go to bed (they’ve been gifted a new earlier bedtime, those lucky ducks! Like so many things, they won’t appreciate it until they become adults). Again, I’m incredibly lucky that it’s only part-time work I’m trying to squeeze in. This week, I’ve been starting each day with something of a menu of options for my two and a half year old. If he chooses something that’s even mildly independent, I schedule it for during my daughter’s nap time and embrace the momentary solitude (or work).
I’m really missing that magical evening down time when the kids were in bed and I could blissfully sit on the couch and zone out for an hour, but “me time” has had to become a little more productive. Instead, each afternoon, I’m strapping the kids into the double stroller (they’re momentarily contained – big win!) and going for a long walk. It’s me time AND it’s exercise, and it doesn’t cost me any of that precious babies-are-sleeping time.
We’re redoubling efforts to make parenting a team sport
I’m blessed to have a husband who is a two-year running Father Of The Year award recipient, and boy is he earning it this go-round. As part of the daily routine, my husband takes the two year old for an hour to play educational apps in his basement office. It’s great bonding for them (my son LOVES “going to work!”) and it builds a short (work) break into my day.
My husband also pops up from his basement dungeon (er, office) for semi-regular sanity checks throughout the day (possible nomination for Husband Of The Year award also pending).
Above all else, I’m TRYING to give myself a little grace
Y’all, this is hard. There’s so much uncertainty in the world right now, and raising two littles (of any age!) through it is a next-level parenting challenge. Doing so while maintaining employment without focused-time offered by preschool or the wonderful, soul-filling play dates and mom’s nights out is exhausting (to put it lightly). For those of you in the same boat as me, I’m sorry for the lack of advice, but know I’m here, standing (well, sitting on the floor with the kiddos usually) in solidarity with you.
I’ve heard tell of some amazing women who regularly manage to balance it all – work, kids, everything – and I’d love to hear your tricks! If you can find a spare second (ha!) to offer the rest of us advice or inspiration, leave us a note in the comments below!
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