Reality Bites: How to Tackle ASMA

Real Housewives: Any City – I have watched them all.

And if you are reading this, you know you have too.  Well, most of you.  I will admit, I love reality tv.  I know, I know.  It is scripted and staged and blown way out of proportion, but darn if it doesn’t make me feel so much better about myself.  Grown women throwing water at each other and screaming obscenities over a dinner table oddly reassure me that my little peccadillos are not so crazy after all.

But, there is a lesson to be learned in all that muck.  Women can still hurt each others’ feelings.  We’re not so advanced in our emotional development that we can’t feel a sting or dwell too long on a slight.  Deep down, there’s an insecure little girl in there, fighting to get out.

Social media has been proven to trigger depression and anxiety in teenagers, and I believe adults are no different.  I suspect most of us have experienced some type of ASMA – Adult Social Media Anxiety. (This is not a medical term – I made it up, and am very pleased with myself.)  ASMA can be triggered in many ways. A post about an event or outing you (or your child) weren’t invited to. An album of photos from an amazing, dream vacation someone else took. Even an inside joke that you can’t join in on.  Then there are the political statements, the “vague-booking” and the unexplained unfriending.  Yet despite the problems social media can create, so many of us are still hooked. According to studies, we spend up to 2 hours per day, or more, cruising around the various apps.

Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of good there too.  I have made connections with so many people that simply wouldn’t have come to fruition without the help of social media. I would have missed out on birthdays, milestones, important updates, and lots of cute baby photos.  For me, social media has been like a virtual scrapbook.  A place I can keep loved ones updated on not only my family but my writing and the occasional rooster sighting.

So what to do about ASMA?  Here’s what I have been thinking about lately:

    • Comparison is the thief of joy.  The next time you see a post or a photo of someone looking fabulous, or feeling fabulous, or living a fabulous life, don’t you dare compare yourself to them. Honestly, we only see what people want to share.  Someone may be putting on a brave front and just really needs some kind words.  Plus, everyone has their own version of fabulous.  When you see something that makes you wish your hair or your clothes or your size was different, stop everything and write down three things you love about yourself.
    • We aren’t always trying to be jerks.  When you are part of a big circle of women, it is natural for folks to break out into smaller, splinter groups. Or, for your friends to have other friends. Sometimes, though, we are just careless with what we share online.  When you are feeling left out, take a moment to consider the people involved.  Would they intentionally try to hurt you?  Did you really want to be there, or maybe, are you actually craving a relationship similar to theirs?  If that is the case, think of someone you would like to hang with and reach out to them instead.
    • Think it through. All of this works both ways.  So, the next time I post something, I pledge to ask myself, is there any potential for hurt? If there is even an outside chance someone might feel left out, or offended, then it won’t make the cut. Instead, I will just send the photo or joke or memory to the people directly involved.  Except for roosters.  Everyone should see a rooster.
    • Take a break. If it is all getting to be too much of a tumultuous time suck, step away from the phone for a day or two.  Unfollow people if you need to regroup.  You can always follow them back later.  But take my word for it, the most effective cure for ASMA is binge-watching a marathon of Real Housewives: Any City.  It will definitely bring you back to reality!!  😉