I’ve been a parent now for nine years. It’s a tough job. There’s no manual. The world seems to get crazier and more chaotic each day. When the “The Varsity Blues” scandal broke in the news, I wasn’t shocked. I didn’t judge either. Instead, I empathized with the pressure of being a modern-day mom.
My background is retail management. So I relate to things in facts and numbers. I equate school with numbers and results. Test scores being high equal to high sales. Which is sometimes the case. Teachers are rated due to their students’ test results and they themselves feel pressure if their students don’t do well on standardized testing. Some school districts give bonuses to teachers for how well their students are doing.
My eight-year-old is in a competitive school district. Each meeting I attend at the school or a board of education meeting is about numbers whether it be enrollment, test scores, or school rankings. The school system takes pride in their students’ achievements. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m even proud of my daughter making straight A’s and her school district’s achievements.
All of these things got me thinking. This is why parents do whatever it takes legally or illegally to get their children into the best schools both public or private. Also to position their children for the best teachers, coaches, sports, and extracurricular activities. Some parents will stop at nothing. It’s proven that children with wealth do excel better than those in poverty for numerous reasons. I know parents who have private tutors for their kids.
I was so upset when my daughter got the one B. It felt like a reflection of my mothering skills. I felt like the tests she didn’t do well on were because of me so I selfishly took it personally. I think I’m not the only parent that feels this way. I’m finding as she gets older the pressure is getting worse.
So I understand why Aunt Becky (Lori Loughlin) has been charged with bribing and tampering with her daughter’s getting into college. I’m not sure what I would do in that position. I fully think most moms struggle with giving their kids the best of everything. She completely is wrong but is she any different from any other mom? I don’t think so. I mean she has wealth but are her actions any different?
I know a friend who’s continually late to drop off her daughter at school. She’s constantly gifting the school office manager with coffee and treats. She said she did this to earn their favor so her child wouldn’t be counted tardy. I’m not sure if this works but if it does then it’s wrong. Her child deserves to be counted as tardy just like any other child.
I have learned as a parent it’s not all about me. Giving my daughter character and life skills are more important than what class, sport, or even what school she’s in. I have learned that test scores do not define who she is as a person.
In school, however, it is all about grades and test scores with rare exceptions. A friend of mine who is a school counselor is leaving education because of the pressure for the students to do well and excel on standardized tests. She’s burnt out and feels helpless.
In conclusion, I don’t think Aunt Becky is the only parent making sure her kids get the best at whatever cost. She’s gotten caught and she’s famous. That makes for good gossip headlines. But mom’s everywhere are feeling the pressure of their child performing and having the best. Its dog eats dog world and I’m not seeing it changing anytime soon.
Of course we want the best for our kids, but I am definitely not like Lori and the other parents who cheat/lie/bribe to provide for their kids. As a homeschool mom, I feel pressures regarding academics, but in different ways. I can’t speak from the perspective of a mom whose children are in a high performing school. However, I doubt I’d have my children in that environment to begin with because I think the stress/pressure is damaging, but that’s another discussion. It’s one of the big reasons we homeschool.
Yes, this world is full of competition and people who don’t play by the rules. I will teach my children to pursue goals with persistence, integrity, honesty and courage. I hope to instill in them the mental skills to persist through the bad parts and failures. But failures are what make us grow as people. They are so important to experience! Rescuing kids after every stumble is a who disservice to their growth. Life isn’t fair.
Some people fulfill their dreams, and some people work really hard and don’t. I am scared for a future of young adults whose parents always rescued them. I worked with middle school children in this scenario and they basically blamed everyone and thought everything was unfair. Adults need to provide a balanced view of the world, help them when it makes sense, but also let them experience natural and logical consequences.
My 2 cents.