My kid apparently has the kind of face that makes people want to give her things. All the time. Even people we don’t know. Seriously, one time at the zoo when she was about 2, T reached out for another kid’s panda toy and the family literally gave it to her, despite my protests. And we all know how expensive things are at the zoo! In short, while I appreciate people are just trying to be nice or make her happy, I really wish it would stop.
It’s my experience that children are inherently happy with very little. But then people start giving them things and they start to feel entitled, or they start to expect things. I remember the first time my Grandaddy came back from a trip and didn’t bring my sister and me any souvenirs. We were absolutely befuddled. Wasn’t picking out special treats for us a specific agenda item when he went on vacation? To be fair, Grandaddy had kind of brought this on himself because he totally spoiled us and pretty much always had gifts for us, but that didn’t make it ok for us to EXPECT gifts. I don’t want my daughter to start expecting things either, just because she looks cute or looks sad or even because she asks nicely.
Instead, I would like my daughter to recognize she has plenty, enough even to be able to give to others who do not have as much. I also want her to have to work for the things she wants- to learn the value of a dollar so to speak- so she is more likely to appreciate the things she has. I try to do this in a variety of ways. I have written in the past about the reverse Santa bags my family has begun to implement at Christmas-time. I have also written about helping children understand charity. This is a topic that is very important to me, especially as a former teacher who has seen first-hand how entitled society, and specifically our youth, is becoming.
The first time my daughter outright asked us to buy her something, my husband and I decided it was time to start explaining money. She had recently turned 3 and had been earning change for doing small chores, like feeding the cat or helping put away silverware. The agreement we made was her father and I would help her count the money she had earned so far. If she had enough for the game, we would take the money and order it for her. If not, she could continue saving until she did. We looked up the item she wanted (a dice game) online and found the price. I then made her an index card with 10 dots on it so she could line up her pennies to match. After stacking the pennies in tens, we put them in piles that made $1 until she had ten piles – enough to buy the game herself.
I know that at age 3, T was probably a little young to completely grasp the concept of saving up to buy things or to comprehend our complex monetary system. However, she did understand that she was having to give up the pennies she had worked for in exchange for something she wanted.
Back to my original topic…my daughter has plenty. Of course, she loves receiving trinkets and gifts, but she doesn’t need them. (I do understand that grandparents will be grandparents, and special occasions warrant special exceptions.) We have a “donate bucket” in the living room that is constantly being added to. She has an overflowing toy chest, countless stuffed animals and Happy Meal toys; she has a bucket full of lip gloss and nail polish, and enough purses/bags to use a different one every day of the week. If you want to show my kid how cute or sweet she is, give her a high five instead. Or tell her a joke. Or compliment her choice of outfit for the day. Just please don’t give her any more stuff.
