Get those pair of shoes girl. Then think bigger.
Have you ever been browsing in a shoe store when a particular shoe caught your eye, and thought to yourself, “Oh, I’d never wear that,” or “there’s no way that’ll look right on me,” or maybe it just doesn’t jive with your personal style? But something inside tells you to try it on anyway.
And to your surprise, you look in the little mirror and say out loud, “dang girl, that looks better than I thought.” Then, you walk up to that counter with pride, do the unexpected and walk out with something completely different than what you went in to buy. And your day (or heck, week) is better because of that surprising choice!
I’ve had this experience since my shoe collection generally consists of sneakers and flip flops, and let me tell you, it can be liberating! Don’t get me wrong – I know it’s just shoes, but I can’t help but think of how that experience applies so well to connecting with mom friends and mom judgment, so let me explain.
Being pegged as “this mom” or “that mom”
I’ve had experiences where people close to me have criticized my choices as a mom – what I teach my children and my parenting ‘style’; judging me because my three-year-old is peeing on a tree or because I’m yelling at the top of my lungs across the store, and so on and so on. I’m sure you’ve been there too at some point (mom judgment), being called out as the helicopter mom, or carefree mom, or inattentive, or too strict – you fill in the blanks. I too have judged others because let’s be honest, we all do.
What I’ve realized when I reflect back on these experiences – being judged and being the judge – is that more often than not, we judge other moms because they don’t fit our personal ‘style.’ It’s easy to go to the same pair of moms we always have because they fit exactly into our mold, tell us what we want to hear and affirm my way is the best way.
Variety is the spice of my (mom/friend circle)
There’s nothing wrong with your personal mom style – parenting or shoes. We each have our own way. There’s also nothing wrong with having friends who are like you. I have friends who’d pick out the same shoes as me too! But, over the years I’ve lived in Atlanta, a city filled with diversity in all ways of life, I’ve been blessed to meet so many wonderful moms who in so many ways are nothing like me, parent differently than me, dress differently than me, and if you looked at their shoe collection, definitely don’t match up with mine. Many of them are now among my closest group of mom friends. What I love most about each of them is how different they are; and quite frankly, I’m always learning from them.
If we are honest, none of us have it all perfectly figured out – this mom thing. So why do we assume those who do it differently than us are lesser of a parent? Or think that we definitely would never be like ‘that mom’ before we really even take a moment to understand her or appreciate her. If you always look past the shoes that don’t fit your every day, how do you know you won’t like them?
Instead of mom judgment, try something new on for size
I have to check myself when I start to judge and be reminded of how I’ve felt when I was on the receiving end of mom judgment. I’ve learned when you embrace difference and try something new on for size, you’ll be surprised in what you learn, how you feel, and how your perception of the right ‘fit’ can change. If you make it that far like the old expression goes, walk a mile in those shoes, and then see if you still feel the same way. Maybe you’ll discover a new friend. Maybe you won’t, but you’ll likely better appreciate that mom, and she will definitely appreciate you (and your shoes).
What’s your circle of mom friends look like? Do they all sport the latest athletic gear, or trendy boots, or Tory Burch (I had to google how to spell) flats, or rock the top brand high heels? Like your collection of shoes, do they all look alike, dress alike, act alike, parent alike; or do you have a little variety? And, more importantly, how do they make you feel?
