The Good, the Bad, & the Truth…
When I first became a mother I was totally unprepared for parenthood. I had no concept of what parenthood meant. At 18 years old I was still a child myself. The first few years were bumpy, to say the least. Every moment good or bad made me feel with such great intensity. By the time my son came along, I had five years of parenthood under my belt. Although I wasn’t close to being as perfect as I desired to be; it was safe to say I wasn’t a newbie anymore.
I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to raise two beautiful kids. Seen them hit every milestone and even exceed some. I’ve kissed boo boos and cheered them on at competitions and shouted for joy at award ceremonies. I’ve taken family vacations, had family day outings and plenty of game nights to create a lifetime of memories. Through it all, I’ve learned there are 3 sides to parenthood; the good, the bad and YOUR truth.
My truth?
Raising children is not without its turmoil. Now that I have a teenager, I’m learning that the test of my patience has only just begun. My daughter is beautiful, smart, talented and a nice kid when she wants to be. However, two years ago her cycle began and everything changed. Suddenly, the cute and funny kid I had the joy of watching grow was becoming my enemy right before my eyes.
She became a child who told lies, disobeyed my rules, argued with everything I said and still expected me to comfort her “ouchies.” Even the “ouchies” she brought on due to her own decision making. This has been a challenge. I get angry, I get hurt, I yell even when I don’t want or mean to. In those moments, I feel like the worst parent on the planet. I know that she is going to continue to do things to test her boundaries, but knowing this and enduring this are two different animals. The trickle down effect? Her brother is watching. At 7 going on 8, he’s now developed the affinity for talking back, telling fibs and just being a downright jerk at times. Couple this with the fact that he has ADHD, often times the challenges seem insurmountable.
As a parent, I feel horrible that my kids can make me angry. When they make mistakes, it feels like I’ve done something wrong. I cry to my husband trying to figure out what we’re not doing right. I seek biblical counsel because that is my faith, I seek the help of the elders in my congregation and even older women who have been down this path. While these avenues are more than encouraging, they do not eradicate all the moments in which I feel weak. The reality is, nothing will ever make those feelings go away. These feelings, these disappointments are a part of the parenting experience.
At the crux of it all, when you’re a parent, you are raising actual people with their own thoughts, ideas, personalities, and identities. While we are responsible for shaping their foundation; we cannot govern every choice and decision they make. They must learn from their choices and reap what the sow whether it’s good or bad consequences. I have to have faith in the fact that eventually, they will learn from what we’ve taught them just as I had to do. It wasn’t until I was a mom and an adult that I understood half of what my parents had tried so hard to ingrain in me.
The truth is, parenting is a thankless job until your children are older, and I have to be okay with that. I have to love them despite their mistakes, nurture them despite how I may feel and always show them, unconditional love because parenting is a lifelong journey, not a one stop destination. I’ve got to be okay with accepting that I will not always feel like the best parent, and that’s okay because, in the end, I’m still only human.
