College Graduation, 2025. The commencement ticket clearly states that you CANNOT save seats. However, the school gives an actual webinar that STRONGLY encourages you to get to campus as early as possible if you want any chance of finding a chair. A quick query to the parent Facebook page then reveals that “early as possible” means 4:00 AM.
After an anxious debate with my family, we decided to take back our power and not rise at the crack to secure a spot. Sure enough, when we arrived at a decent hour, there were rows upon rows of illegally reserved seats with umbrellas, purses, jackets, and – very innovative – toilet paper tied to one end and draped across to the other end of the section.
“Saving Seats”- we’ve all been on the wrong side of it.
I have approached many a table in the hopes of joining a group, only to be turned away. I’m not talking about the childhood angst of trying to grab prime real estate near the cute boy in the school cafeteria. I’m thinking of moments during my adulthood when I wanted to sit with someone, and they did not want to sit with me.
It’s a complicated issue, isn’t it? When you save a seat, you are letting someone know they are important to you. You may need them near you in that moment, whether it be a staff meeting or a celebratory dinner. That’s your friend, your person – of course, you want to share space with them. However, when you tell someone they are not the “save-ee”, it can chip away at their heart a little bit.
Saving Seats is also symbolic of a bigger emotional struggle – when the perception of a relationship doesn’t match reality. Maybe someone didn’t support you when you needed them most. Maybe you weren’t invited to something you fully expected to be a part of. Maybe someone wasn’t able to love you the way you needed to be loved. Maybe you hurt someone, and they don’t want to be close to you anymore.
When I experience these curveballs, I go through all the natural human emotions that come with rejection. I talk to my therapist, create boundaries, and hit a yoga class or two. Then, I take a look in the mirror at the one who always shows up for me, and I remind her that her worth isn’t based on saved seats, and there are beautiful people in her life who do want her around.
By the way, we did find empty chairs for commencement (ha!) and sat next to a lovely family, connecting and celebrating together. Sometimes, when one chair folds, a better one opens.
